Thought Bubble

no time to be bored gotta make moves

2012-01-16T13:27:00.001-08:00

CALLING ALL New York CITY SINGERS !!!!

2012-01-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

(Click Image to See Info Detail)

All it takes is a step. Please spread the word to anyone who might be interested :) Thanks

CLASS START: JAN 18

Course Cost: 1,497 Cash/Check or 1,547 via PayPal.

The Experience: PRICELESS

Contact Ruth Levy @

Email: info@totalsingersupport.com

Call:646.450.9583

www.totalsingersupport.com

The first time I worked with Ruth all it took was a phone call. She is kind and motivating so you don't have to fear being judged. She takes you passed all the junk in your head that tells you "YOU CAN'T" and makes you believe the "YOU CAN" that is already in you.

Total Singer Support Promo from Adventure Pants on Vimeo.

Urban Decay: NAKED Palette:Real vs Fake

2011-12-26T18:51:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a great Christmas! I know I did :) This Christmas I received The Urban Decay:Naked Palette from my wonderful mom. I opened it and was happy but having played with the palette before I found it to be a little suspicious. I was missing the primer potion which was advertised on the seller pic and the package was a simple little box. I was a little scarred to let my mother know that she purchased a fake but I did $50 is a lot of money to stay shut about a fake. So just to be sure of my suspicions I took to some research on the internet I found this video

Lucky for us the return was easy plus I got to keep the fake and mom got a full refund.

(Real on top fake on bottom)

Things I noticed off the bat:Real vs. Fake

-The packaging of the fake decay palette comes in a small copper gold box, and the picture of the make up on the back it a little out of focus.

-The fake palette is really light weight compared to the real naked palette

-The texture of the box is not as smooth as the real palette

-The gold letters look like they are cracked a bit ready to peel off on the fake version

-On the back of the fake box instead of a sticker there is gold lettering right on the box.

-The real naked palette color is has more of a red brown tone to it the fake not so much its dark

(Real on top fake on bottom)

Comparing Shadows

-Real UD Shadow is much smoother in texture the fake comes off a bit chalky (I got the chance to try the fake before I got my real palette the colors did not last. I hardly noticed I put on shadow in a couple hours)

-Real UD Shadows are much more vibrant compared to the fake especially when compared

side by side.

-Color pay off on the real is MUCH better way more pigmented than the fake

(Real UD Palettes have a serial number on the side)

Quality of the Brush

-The fake brush is very light weight it feels almost hollow, especially when compared to the real which it a bit weighty

-The color of the fake has a pinkish color tone to it. While the real has a gunmetal looking color

-The quality of the bristles the real is a lot softer to the touch and sturdy

-From what I have looked up I now know that the "Urban Decay" written on the side of the fake brush scratches of easily and/or rubs off

This is my comparison so far of the imitation palette vs the real Urban Decay Naked Palette. I hope it can help some of you out there who may have been duped. Never be afraid to speak up especially when you are not getting your moneys worth.

2011-12-25T17:33:00.001-08:00

Get on Stage and Sing

2011-12-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

Total Singer Support Promo from Adventure Pants on Vimeo.

This past August I got the opportunity to be a part of Total Singer Support's Get on Stage and Sing. It is a 7 week class about performance this is the class that gave me the confidence and motivation to step out and it gave me an opportunity to perform at The Bitter End . GSS part two is coming very soon with only 6 more spots left don't miss this opportunity to learn and grow in a safe and encouraging group environment.

Pressing forward

2011-12-22T23:57:00.000-08:00

Is it possible to be so happy for someone but sad at the same time? Right now, for me it has been a time for friendship and new beginnings. It is time for an even stronger faith than I have ever had before. I need this now... strong friendships and a strong connection with God because without it I am so very weak. I can feel everything in me wanting to fall apart sometimes being held together by the hope that is FAITH.

I want to be a help for somebody I need to be the kind of person that can be strong for others I don't want to be so consumed by my past and by "issues" that I become an issue. I want to be seen as a strong woman as a Godly women no matter what I feel. I know my mind, heart and God will keep me grounded He will keep me faithful to myself as well as to others.

I've been journaling again since November. It helps....I wrote down a list of 10 things I could do in 2012 starting today. I starting making the moves applying movement and trusting God for the rest.

1.Sponsor a Child                                    6.Record an album
2.Become a Volunteer                             7.Open a savings account
3.Get a better paying job                         8.Walk for Breast Cancer
4.Get better at guitar                                9.Be in a play
5 Write songs for an album                    10. Figure out what to do about Education(back to school?)

A strong message I have been hearing at church and in my podcasts is HAVE A DREAM and follow it even if you don't know what you're doing make a move and trust God to amplify and honor that movement. I have a dream. I am figuring it all out and I am writing all that I can down. Thank you for reading, if you have gotten this far I want to encourage you. What is your dream? Write it down and make a movement even if it's small.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

(Proverbs 13:12)

hello gorgeous

2011-12-21T22:07:00.000-08:00

CAP 21? Music is my heart...I have recently been considering having my go at musical theatre. I know I love musicals and belting show tunes in the shower but do I or could I have the chops to be an all out performer? Me a singer/actress/ the show tune dancer ? Lord knows the dream I've had about this...it isn't the first time I've thought of it. I didn't have much of an opportunity to try this out in school; NYC public school, hats off to you for that. I know for sure that I love the idea of performing at venues like highland ballroom, and the Filmore. Venues where I could connect with my audience. I have something to say and I am going to say it through song. Pen to Page has always been my friend. The thing about musical theartre though is; that it is play. You get to become a character it's always looked like so much fun.. So much work... I've realized as I sat down finally getting to see a Broadway Show come to life before me. Maybe that knot in my throat and the tears welling in my eyes means so much more than just my connection to a show I had longed to see. Maybe it has something to do with my longing to play that role to be the one belting that song, on that stage whispering those infamous opening lines in a show. For now it's just a dream, just a thought, to be sat on and prayed over until I can figure myself out...music is my heart.

Sunday Recap in Pics

2011-12-02T12:26:00.000-08:00

Thankyou to everybody who came out to support us musicians :) It was great.

xoxo

-Tati

funny

2011-11-26T23:12:00.000-08:00

I've often wondered what it would be like to start life on a clean slate.
To literally stop in this moment in time and decide my life today begins new.
To have none of my troubles or arguments remembered or brought up in my mind and by others.
I want to be new. I want to live a life completely free of worry and judgement...or at least be quick enough to dust off insensitive criticism with a witty comment. I want to forget moments that I could have fought but lost. This is really all I want, maybe it's not tangible. No matter how many times I've resolved to start new I never change. I'm never perfect or good enough to even meet a standard I set myself... I find it strange the things I mull over in my mind hoping that if I analyze it enough the patterns can be broken for next time...funny.

NOVEMBER 27 @ The Sheraton Hotel in Flushing Queens

2011-11-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

PhotoCredit:Andre Rebuquiao

So this is what I've been working on for about two months now. I now have an official guitarist/wingman named Ezra S. I have a "recital" concert with my MXM familia and I have been writing like crazy. This has really churned every last bit of musical yearning inside me to just do it. I want it so bad my heart aches for it. I will be performing four songs. One original,two covers and a duet/medley.Just a short update as to where music has been :) well at least the performance part. Growing everyday

xoxo,

Tati

Long time No Post

2011-10-07T22:37:00.000-07:00

Catching up is long overdue :)
So I have been away growing. I did a youtube video explaining this so I will post below. I did a little web disappearance trying to figure out how music and all this social media fit into my life. I hope the video fills you in a little I have more to say and pictures to post in this adventure.

The beautiful supportive girls that became like family from The Total Singer Support Get on Stage and Sing 10 Week Class

So after The Bitter End (which I also designed the event posters and flyers to (wink wink)) I performed backup at an event "Called Stairway to the Dream" I was a back up singer along with Hema Nair to the headlining act. The graceful Japanese singerRainybirds(Ryoko Fujimoto). It was so much fun! I got to shake my stuff and had a great opportunity to just learn, grow and network. I met the fastest drummer in the world Jotan Afanador who plays for many amazing artists like bachata group Aventura and Romeo and more. He was great with stories for days and just an overall good person to be around.

What's next? If you didn't know I am a part of a music community here in NYC called the MXM. November 27 we are performing at the Sheraton Hotel in Flushing Queens. This is a big deal for us guys this is our first seriously big event.
For me it's seriously a mess of firsts.
The first time I will be performing more than 1 song live as a solo artist.
The first time I play my guitar live
The first time I will sing any originals live

I would love if you all could join me on this journey. It's a bit surreal I'm practicing my songs till my fingers turn purple. I'm investing in my craft with vocal lessons defiantly going to take on that piano when I can. It's teaching me to go after the things that I want. Not only musically but in my design career I'm going hard no matter what I'm going to make it as something. I don't care what plans fail I'll just make more until one of them wins..

My Facebook & Youtube:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tatiana-H/172410706169615
http://www.youtube.com/user/TatianaHochrein

The MXM
http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-MXM/193448297348997

Rainybirds
http://www.myspace.com/rainybirds

Hema Nair
Listen to the storm amazing song you havent heard it till you've heard it with a live band http://www.myspace.com/hemarni

Jotan Afanador
http://www.jotanafanador.com/

Okay Guys this is the update I'm sure I've missed many things. But this will do till I post again hahaha hopefully it will be soon

2011-05-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

"Flags"

Come, tell me your trouble
I'm not your answer
But I'm a listening ear

Reality has left you reeling
All facts and no feeling
No faith and all fear

I don't know why a good man will fall
While a wicked one stands
And our lives blow about
Like flags on the land

Who's at fault is not important
Good intentions lie dormant
And we're all to blame

While apathy acts like an ally
My enemy and I are one and the same

I don't know why the innocents fall
While the monsters still stand
And our lives blow about
Like flags on the land

I don't know why our words are so proud
Yet their promise soothing
And our lives blow about
Like flags in the wind

Oh oh oh oh

You who mourn will be comforted
You who hunger will hunger no more
All the last shall be first
Of this I am sure

You who weep now will laugh again
All you lonely be lonely no more
Yes, the last will be first
Of this I'm sure

I don't know why the innocents fall
While the monsters stand
I don't know why the little ones thirst
But I know the last shall be first
I know the last shall be first
I know the last shall be first

Glee Dreams and Other things

2011-05-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

I just awoke from one of the strangest dreams in my life. The first part of it was scary. It was me this little boy and a youn man. I remember the beginning we were outside on this journey somewhere the young man was a prisoner but very brave. He was with these mid-evil looking guys on a horse and they made him jump off this cliff on his horse laughing the whole time. Even after him and the horse made it safely the guys were laughing and threatening to shoot him but the just watched and laughed as the boy struggled. The dream shifts and we're on a journey I guess to get free we have to go under water to find the way out this is where me and the little boy come in the little boy is the older boys brother.

We go under water an someone i with us he told us the only way out is under so we all hold our breathe and go under but see nothing I can't hold my breathe anymore so I pop back out with the little boy. Eventually so does the young man. We get frustrated at our guide and we ask him if he even knows what he's doing...he doesnt. It gets dark and we're siting in this swampy cave like thing but it wasnt a regular cave if was like someone or something lived there with water surrounding us everywhere and there were little patches of ground on certain places. We can't go into the water when we tried something tried to drag us down and keep us there I was so scarred. I kept holding onto the boy making sure he was ok. We were all scarred there was no denying that. Eventually the young man figures out how to drain the swamp so we can move forward the thing that kept trying to drag at us and pulls us down is no where in sight. When the swamp gets drained there is a door behind a shelf we open if afraid of what would come next. There is a rocking chair with a skeleton sitting on it. I decide we need to put something between the door in case this is a trap and it decides to shut. The guide appears the one that dissapeared earlier he starts yelling your gonna kill your sister really loud. I'm afraid the young man is finding a way out and I am hesitant to let my sister follow him. The little boy I was holding on to was now a little baby girl. The young man yells at me this way out the room is flooding I feel the panic rise in me but I do what the young man says I pass up my sister and there's a crawling tunnel bright with light. Still I'm hearing YOU'RE GONNA Kill your SISTER! I crawl out as fast as I can making sure my sister is with me the place starts floding faster. We make it out and the dream changes....

Someone grabs my sister they're all happy it's the cast from Glee and than some singing "What if God was one of us." I remember feeling peace we're all a big choir like thing and the voices sound beautiful it gets to the ebd " Yeah Yeah God is good, Yeah Yeah God is Great" over and over the voices fading out for the finish. It sounded so beautiful and real those words like they hung onto it at the end. The crowd goes crazy we're outside people are snapping pictures and clapping Im hugging people like Racheal(Leah) and Quinn(Diana). Everyone is dressed up in fun prom dresses.
We're now inside someone sounds like a teacher is asking why puckerman has been gone from class so long and he starts asking the Glee club and he directs the question to me Hmm Tatiana. I don't say anything but the party comences...

Tina comes out and starts singing Micheal Jacksons "The way you make me feel" with the musical intro and dance and everything. We go crazy everyone starts dancing we're in this big lobby like setting with rugs everywhere... there are steps that double as bleachers. I've never felt so free to jump around twirl and dance with everyone. We start taking to partners and dancing... the dream shifts a lot more till finally I wake up. Wishing I had stayed in Glee prom land lol Boy it was good Even the scary part I wish I could describe it better and go into detail better. It really was that hard to describe. I havent really dreamnt in a while so writing down all the details was tough.

Oh tina had a kick ass dress on it was something like racheals Gaga dress but it had lace and she had a mask over one side of her face it was pretty cool.

X FACTOR !!!

2011-05-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

Haven't updated you in a while but I did audition for X Factor:) Completly fell apart when audition time came around, BUT it was a great expirience and I'd do it again. The thing is this is my first year where I thought hey I can really do this. I can pursue my love for music even with my massive nerves to work with even if people tell you no. I've never had to perform before but I'm doing so much I never thought I could because of fear. So here's to taking chances and chasing after your hearts desires no matter what even if they aren't the same tomorrow.

New Turn

2011-04-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Whoever reads this. It's been a while it is 2:16am in the morning and I am awake. The other night I went to see kina grannis live and since than have been hooked and pretty much stalking the girls story online.
She's truly inspired me to take my music another step more serious so I am looking to learn my guitar A LOT better and I will be writing vlogging and blogging a lot more often. Like the old days :) but better now I have a reason to blog other than to vent or emotionally rant :D ...

So as of today this blog is going to document my musical journey and I guess life part so I now need to fill you in on the musicalness lol A week or two ago I wrote a song...yes a song I haven't been inspired in a while and was surprised as to how quickly this one came to me. You can check that vid out on my new youtube channel :D ( that is yet another new thing I did somewhat recently lol)
Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/TatianaHochrein [Comment rate sub <3 pretty please]

In other news this thursday I am going to audition for x-factor so far the main song choice I have for that day is Karina Passian Slow motion and than Sara Barelles Gravity and Maybe this time by liza Minelli I know I probably butchered all those names right there. But I'm bout ready to K.O. anyways sending my love <3<3<3

-Tati

A New Leaf

2010-07-05T18:48:00.000-07:00

Perhaps this day at this very moment this blog is taking a turn. Like as in subject I only seem to blog when I'm dealing with some sort of inner turmoil or something stupid like that. Um so today I think is going to be a bit of a different story or maybe more of the same but in a different light. Anyway I've learned so much this year love gained and lost situations fair and unfair. I'm learning about self control when in situations there seems to be no control. I've yelled I've cried conquered fears and kicked certain insecurities to the curb... There's still more to come I can see it clear but I'm ready to fight, got my gloves up. I'm continuing to push forward with every punch.

Love

2010-07-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

Hard to come by
but not hard to maintain
when I find it I'll know it's ours
and mine to keep

Speaks for Itself

2010-06-30T09:47:00.001-07:00

Church Hoppin

2010-06-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

So it's time, it really is time to move on or forward to another church. It's been tough trying to come to that conclusion but it's not an ill choice or rash decision. I have my reasons and I've tried so hard to reason against it but maybe it's time for me to stop being so comfortable where I'm familiar and just get used to the fact that this just isn't the right match for me. Don't get me wrong I've grown so much from where I was at here through experience and what not but I've known almost from the start that I wouldn't be there forever. So It's time to pick up everything I've got and find some place new to call home

:[

2010-06-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

IM SO MAD AT YOU !!!
AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS THAT ITS OK
THAT WHAT I FEEL DOESNT MATTER
BECAUSE I NEVER DID
I WANT TO HIT YOU SO BAD
I WANT TO HURT YOU
BUT I CANT
BECAUSE IT WOULDNT MATTER
I NEVER MATTER IM SO SICK OF PEOPLE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME
IM SO HURT AND I COULD NEVER TELL ANYONE
I NEED SERIOUS HELP
I KNOW THERE IS BETTER BUT WHEN WILL THIS ALL BE JUSTIFIED
ITS NOT FAIR !!!
IM FINE BUT IM NOT AT THE SAME TIME
AND IT DOESNT MATTER!

Things Unsaid

2010-06-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

I don't know why
but for just a chance to get it off my chest
Would mean the world
to put my heart at rest
I have a tendency
to hold things in, to hold back, and never say what I actually feel
for fear of someone pointing out that's it's always the same
I can't do this they go on while I hold on
just because of the thoughts I never set free
I stay quiet while they say what they have to
even when they're wrong
I keep what I know, think, feel locked inside
they cling and keep me wondering what if I had just set free
the thoughts that linger inside of me

Rain Rain

2010-06-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

Can't explain it, it was raining, I was smiling. Take some time to appreciate the rain, it's actually really beautiful when you stop and take it all in.

Dream interpretation

2010-06-09T08:04:00.000-07:00

So since my dreams about getting a tattoo and freaking out about how permanent the dream tattoo was I've been kind of interested in dream interpretation. So yesterday night I had a dream I was kissing someone I don't remember who and I think I kissed two different people in the dream but yeah . I'm going to start writing down my dreams and interpreting them simply because the ones about the tattoos sounded pretty darn accurate to me. Any way that's that for now

What Choice Do I Have?

2010-06-08T19:20:00.000-07:00

What choice do I have but to be strong
What choice do I have but to cry alone
When my heart is forever broken and unsure and insecure
of what's before me
I stay strong because to do anything other would be
robbing myself of something I deserve
Joy Love and everything between and around
What choice do I have but to move forward praying that the Lord hears my voice
ands feels the hurt that I'm keeping inside...
What choice do I have?

At this Point

2010-06-06T15:22:00.000-07:00

I finally sang at The Aftershock, granted I was a mess but it was a good experience a scary one but a good one and I'm proud that I had the guts. The next time it'll be better lol not so scary it's all for the Lord so I have to represent him right. He didn't make me to be timid :)

Enroute was good to but someone came that I saw briefly in a glance that was it, it left my mind sad again. I watch things like the Notebook and I think when am I gonna have that LOVE? Someone who will be my sweetheart my love who will go hard to prove that we're meant to be...thinking about that hurts ya know. Thinking about things he said hurts me. Sometimes I wish it was an as simple as just settling for someone else who is crazy about you but I guess it's not... I've tried settling it doesn't work...but than it hurts because I'm wishing and hoping longing and praying for something I feel I'll never get...I've done this all pretty silently I'm in my forever state of haven give up on that kind of love for me. Maybe I wasn't meant to be with someone. It just seems so easy for everyone else am I really that hard to fall for do people have to TRY to fall for me ?...

2010-05-28T21:44:00.001-07:00

y do i keep having dreams that Im getting tattoo'd than wake up, freaking out, saying "THAT'S TO PERMANENT!" LOL

If you dream about getting a tattoo (and you don't have one in real life), you are entering a new stage in your life.

I Want The Moon

2010-05-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

-Fall in Love
-Visit Australia
-New Zealand
-London
-France
-Rome
-Italy
-Have my own Clothing Line
-Be an extra on a movie or tv show
-be on broadway
-See Wicked
-Watch a movie outdoors
-Graduate*
-Be a pro at violin
-piano
-guitar
-Create an EP
-win a contest
-zipline in costa rica
-Start Running everyday
-Sing on stage *
-Go on a picnic with "Him"
-Visit the Great wall of China
-Go to the Taj Mahal
-Climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge

...

2010-05-23T19:16:00.001-07:00

...Sometimes I just wanna cry

Glad for good people

2010-05-22T20:34:00.001-07:00

I need a Naomi.
I need to move forward.
I need u Lord
I need to overcome

Song/Video of the Day

2010-05-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

Need this

2010-05-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

life

2010-05-08T15:10:00.001-07:00

So tired of the misconceptions
Life's rejections have become
the whisper's of all my imperfection
don't understand
what do they know
Am I the villain in this place
So tired of it so burnt out
Till every tear have I cried out
I can't do it
I'm not myself
am I the villain in this crowd
Staring back at my reflection
the tired smile turns to a frown
i guess it's time to make the move
I guess it's time to head on out

....

2010-05-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

I Will Not Die an Unlived Life by Dawna Markova

2010-05-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

I will not die an unlived life.

I will not live in fear

of falling or catching fire.

I choose to inhabit my days,

to allow my living to open me,

to make me less afraid,

more accessible;

to loosen my heart

until it becomes a wing,

a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,

to live so that which came to me as seed

goes to the next as blossom,

and that which came to me as blossom,

goes on as fruit.

Ugh...

2010-05-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

"Some Boys are retarded and don't know when their game gets old" sick to the stomach. I honestly don't know what to think at this point maybe long distance relationship friendships should remain that way. Far away never to play games with your or any other persons head. I'm removing myself from the middle of this equation...

School Work

2010-05-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

School, School and more school this is what I stayed up till 4 plus in the morning working on yesterday :)

Motivation

2010-04-29T13:40:00.000-07:00

It's such a challenge for me to keep motivated with action....I'm sitting in my head again thinking about things I can't change. It's frustrating I go through a list of things in my head I want to say but I resolve they are better unsaid because if I try I'll just end up bumbling like an idiot as usual and not getting anything across...
I need to make it I have no choice...What else do I have to live for that will complete me?

Song of the Day: Charice "Pyramid "

2010-04-27T17:56:00.001-07:00

Love this song...

Not so Wise Bag -O-Chips

2010-04-26T15:59:00.000-07:00

So I don't know when my last rant sad angry post was but I know it was recent...I'm finally getting my head together I know what I need to do :) I've got a plan and I'm ready to pick up my pieces or my mat lol an walk.
I'm not going to give any details until I know it's what's supposed to happen but I'm taking a step towards repairing my sanity and it requires a move...yes I said MOVE..like pick up and move on or pick up and leave. Now what I'm leaving I can't say yet but if it happens...I'll probably update.

So I had a talk with one of my bestest Jhonny...he's a sanity saver thank you LORD lol he gave me an amazing pep talk and made me see things from a different perspective. My Bff Sista from anotha mista cat burgerler Omaira kept me sane the past couple of weeks she's my therapist :]. I'm so grateful to have friends like them.
Yeah but the other day something I read set me off I should've known better than to be curious but I did lol and I ended up opening bad bag of chips that mad me sick in a painful way. But I'm finding my sanity and direction slowly after breaking down in tears , numbness and insanity.
I resolved to help myself kinda by taking a few more than necessary steps in my life...I'm dying to just spill...But I'll be patient and see where the water takes me..all I know is that I have a lot of work ahead of me but every minute of it is gonna be sweet :)

Song of the Day: Daughtry: Over you (Oooh yeeeah this is my mood at the moment :])

Why I Love: P!nk!

2010-04-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

Dysfunctional much? Maybe.... But P!nk kicks some serious ass when it comes to not caring what people think about her... Her music is real and raw to the bone especially in her album Fun House you can feel the emotion wrapped around every lyric sung all coming from her life's experience.
I've been a fan of hers since jr high her music gave me a sense of strength it's ok to be kind of crazy as long as your ok with it, lol.

Not only is her music great but her attitude is. She's a total bad ass and doesnt have to be like every barbie doll "pretty" in Hollywood she rocks short hair and edgy style and an attitude that I admire.
Who gives a crap about what everyone else has to say. Her Fun House albums has cradled me through a tough breakup or two and the song "So What" has taught me to take the situation with stride lol Funny right? It's sarcasm but it works. Make fun of it until you really just don't care about the situation anymore. Maybe that's a little sad but she's a bit of an antidote for me to get over and just not care this life's the only life you're given so live it to the fullest .

P!nk Qoutes

"It's about being alive and feisty and not sitting down and shutting up even though people would like you to." - Pink

" People are always so surprised when they meet me. Firstly, that I'm 'so tiny', and secondly that I'm 'so sweet'. They seem surprised that they're not scared of me. The aggressive side of me comes across in my music, but I'm just a sweet girl."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said I just don't care"

...

2010-04-25T01:33:00.001-07:00

Everyone Needs

2010-04-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

...

2010-04-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

feels like time's my enemy
drags on the yurning inside of me
I wish to hold you close to me
and hold your face so tenderly
to be the one you see in sleep
and wake up wishing you could see
to kiss the lips like fire blaze
burnt to hot to forget the taste
and through this pain
does my heart ache but strength is given in its place

...

2010-04-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

wash my eyes and you might see
into the deepest depths of me
I've tried but failed to make you see
that you became a part of me
and every day that your away
my heart burrows deep inside of me
I've prayed and prayed that you would see
what you're missing without me
The selfish prayer I once held tight
I've since let go and changed my heart
but still I pray for you to see
I pray the Lord would set you free

Sometimes feel I just Can't

2010-04-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

I've felt so far away from God. He's calling me I know it. If only I could tune into His voice long enough to follow through on His plans for me. I get to this place where I'm on fire. I get excited and ready to fight than when I run into walls or I still don't understand what God is wanting of me I start to let that flame die. I'm at this point where I can feel it being ignited again but ...I have said Lord this is the last time I'll fall this way ...I fall again... I keep getting back up yes. But when is enough going to be good enough so that I finally start making move towards His plan? Where's the cue card with my next line and step ? God I know your calling just help me tune in better...I'm ready to change Again ...I'm ready to let go of resentment and pain no matter how much it try's to resurface in my way... I need you. Help Me Endure it and Move Forward

There is so much on my heart God has blessed me so much He is meeting my needs right now but I still have the lingering uncertainty about most parts of my life...
Well this is my blog I can be as transparent as I want here...

#1 WHY?:
Why is the tiny thing lingering my mind still every time I see him, every time he makes a spectacle of himself around me with her? Does he care what I think? Does he do it on purpose? And why does she keep looking at me? Is there all of a sudden a club where everyone knows some of my most embarrassing secrets and judge me? Do they get together and have fun laughing about my mistakes?
I thought he was the last one I prayed Lord the next would be my last and everything was shattered my trust my heart my pride. Why didn't he mean what he said? And why didn't I just get a straight answer of why break up? I was left feeling humiliated used and hurt and I felt so alone like I could make no one understand my side not even him... Why was I left to pick up my own pieces ?

#2Justification :
I've healed so much since the summer when my heart was shattered... I've moved on but than the lingering thoughts the tiny stabs at my pride... There's a sick part of me that wants to be justified so badly where I want everyone involved in embarrassing me and hurting me to feel that way to ...

#3 But than :

But than there's my heart... where even those who've done me wrong... I don't want them to be hurt. I realize no matter how far and apart we all are actually similar in ways...I pray for the hearts of these people and even when the small stabs come at me... I keep straight to the best of my ability smile and pray that God will complete me hold me and keep me...

Sometimes I feel I can't keep on like I'll always be alone, like I'll always get the short end of the stick , like I'll always be second best or never even qualify for my dreams..but than another day comes some days better than others God picks me up even if I don't want to stand up even if I don't hear His voice even if I push Him away He picks me up ...and I love Him for that even if I don't express it the way I should.

I thank God that He's made it sunny for me so when those cloudy days do come around I can remember He hears me calling...and as long as I keep faith in Him He is never going to let me fall without His hand ready to catch me

...more frustration...oh Joy

2010-03-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

Ugh it's just one of these days...I want to curse everything. I'm so angry...I don't even really understand why...
The one's that I'm supposed to feel like I fit in with I don't....and the ones that I'm not supposed to I do...They don't make me feel alienated or weird. I don't feel uncomfortable around them I'm myself and not embarrassed about it...but around the ones I'm supposed to feel like I fit in with I don't they never seem to hear what I say. There is egotism and gossip and I just can't take it anymore...There's never been a day more where I just wanted to curse at the top of my lungs

CS Lewis Song

2010-03-13T20:14:00.000-08:00

I was reminded again why God used this singer when He began calling me.
Today was an ok day, I guess. Slow until the end the enemy just put a huge sad cloud over me.
Thoughts about my worth and about not being good enough came to my head. I felt not good enough and compared. Like I'm never going to have that day where I just step out...Maybe this blog doesn't make much sense but my vagueness is on purpose.
On my way back from bible study CS Lewis song played in the car. Every time I hear this song it sticks to me it pulls at my heart.

"C.S. Lewis Song"
If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,
I can only conclude that I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,
then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared

[CHORUS]
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan as I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found? On the straight or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me, is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
'Cause my comfort would prefer for me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth of who I was born to become

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope, He's coming

New Day

2010-03-10T19:27:00.000-08:00

Ok so I need something.. I need to do something but I don't know what, so until then.
My new goals are to read more write more make music more pray more and just keep pushing with every thing I can and have.
Right now Anne Frank
The Treasure Box(Wonder is the basis of Worship-thomas caryle) I just found this book in a desperate search for that something that is still unknown to me.
Lord of The Rings
Devotional
Words of the Day today/tonight would be Strident and adjective for Harsh or loud hmmm
Im very into playing my guitar like a drum these days oh yes that qoute from Maya Angelou is ringing louder and louder in my heart..It's ringing stridently in my head... can I say that ? I don't know but I 'll just say it anyway for the sake of using my word of the night.
-"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. "

Hm cross word?...

John Butler & Anne Frank

2010-03-08T17:25:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to find a folk song to to learn that was a bit harder so that I could improve my guitar skills... I ended up listening to John Butler Trio--John Butler has some serious guitar skills. I ended up listening to a song I've never heard called Losing You--I LOVE IT !!! I can't get it out of my head and I couldn't have picked a harder song to learn. But I have added this to my bucket list which I started today. Awesome lyrics beautiful guitar talented man.

Up Next I haven't read the diary of Anne Frank since--I'm guessing elementary school. I'm only on page three but I found a paragraph that reflects me..

Story of my life

2010-03-02T22:49:00.000-08:00

Angel Taylor: Not Even Human

There are few songs that are spot with my situations life story and all of that this is one of them

Confessions 1( Wrote this yesterday )

2010-02-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

Feels like I'm "just living" this life
Just going through the motions
and forgetting whats right
I've become so numb in the middle of a fight
I break down and beg God because
I know that Im not right
Putting things that dont matter before you
Staying quiet and Never speaking out in time
Just Drifting through this world
When I should be His reflection
So Lord please shine your light in my direction
Lord please hear my prayer
Just one of my many confessions

This is Worship

2010-02-24T21:08:00.000-08:00

Is anything to hard for the Lord

2010-02-22T14:02:00.001-08:00

This video put me in check

Joyce Meyer on Expecting more out of God and yourself

2010-02-01T07:23:00.001-08:00

God can only be good to you if your expecting God to be good to you

Gary Coleman Arrested for Domestic Violence!

2010-01-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

...Seriously.... Smack that kid with a Snickers bars and it's over. K.O.

So apparently he was arrested for domestic violence..beating on his wife...though it's a serious situation I couldn't help but laugh...than blog about it ....than laugh some more ...

Meg and Dia + Brainjuice

2010-01-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'm brewing idea's so much energy happiness excitement anger sadness all being poured into one outlet. This has to turn out good it has to be it. 2010 I'm making and Living my dreams Dare me to Fail Dare me to lose.

" What if you counting on my failure made me live"-Meg and Dia

I'm going to live and work move and dream with everything I've got to succeed and I will .

New Year 2010

2010-01-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

So it's the New Year!!!! Yay.. I started mine of with a bang by passing out New Years morning.. everything has been great even after that but that moment and so many messages leading up to that one event lead me to live free like really free. I feel like Im a pretty happy person do what I want but I restrain I hold back I hold on to memories that are long gone I don't chase after my dreams because Im afraid..But what am I afraid of? Who am I afraid of? I don't have any New Years resolutions really but if I was to come up with something now it's probably to live my dreams and take every new day with a smile :) I'm going to smile a lot more appreciate people more step out of my shell and do what I want just because I want to... Yeah so here's to 2010

Gonna Be Living My Dreams!!!

:)

2009-12-20T17:13:00.000-08:00

the thoughts in my head buzz
as I finally start to see
what's distinguishing me
from a girl to a women
this part of me is empowering
the part where i not only see what's best for me
and accept it
but the part where i look ahead un phased by the towers that pile up
high against the strength in me
through it all i stand tall
moving forward pushing against the wall
until it no longer challenges me but falls

Note3

2009-12-20T14:19:00.001-08:00

Indifference makes an excuse, but love finds a way

Me:I think ur made of Mutant Chocolate

2009-11-26T12:45:00.001-08:00

Sister:Mmmmmmh Mutant Chocolate
Me: -_-

Letting Go

2009-11-03T08:41:00.001-08:00

the feeling of letting go
at first a storm of restless sleep
through bumps & cracks of a bumpy street.
it liberates it sets me free
the fight inside my battle weak
Finally found a sense of peace
and in the end admit defeat

Being Original

2009-10-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Im pretty sure if everyone stopped "trying" to be original, we'd actually have some individuality in this world
Of course there's only one us and we draw influences from our surroundings and media... But it still doesn't mean you should become a clone of something or someone else.

If God is for Us who can be against us..Right?

2009-09-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

God has really just shown up in my life.
It's funny cause the more he shows up the more certain people seem to oppose me. Im sorry if I walk different talk different if I'm a little funny ,God loves me for me yeah even if I am a little ditsy. :P
It's funny in a sick way that people like to talk whisper behind my back because of what I believe as if I treat them any differently as I would anyone else... besides how do they look running their mouths about me while all I have is love for them and more of an understanding of who I am so what if I proclaim it high up to the name of God. It's the truth and I don't care who says it any different . I'm gonna proclaim it till the day I die because I live my life for the One and only dictator of my life My Lord Jesus Christ!

it sucks

2009-09-16T17:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Letting go is a process ....

2009-09-07T17:53:00.001-07:00

For me this is my outlet

Title:Good Bye Baby

This song is my heart I wrote it this weekend finished it today.
Tile:Good Bye, Baby
written:Tatiana Hochrein
I thought there was something different
in your goodbye,
Something sincere and true,
Like you would be mine again.

Now everyone's on my case warning me
to the point where I don't know what to believe about you and me
and if you missed me that night how could you let me go?
I've got to let you go now'

Chorus
Good bye goodbye good bye baby x2

You know that you're beautiful,
he said to me
As he wiped the tears from my eyes
I didn't want him to go
Please help me forget that night
From the kiss on my lips to the tear drops warm on my fingertips
It was the sweetest goodbye
But I have to let him go
Goodbye goodbye goodbye baby x2

Controling our situations

2009-08-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

To often people believe that they can control their own situations... They say "Lord here take this situation for me and do your will with it," but without realizing we still cling onto that thing we told God to take care of. What is it with us that we feel we need to control everything? That maybe if we did this or said that, that it would change our circumstance. It's not like we know the outcome either way until we actually reach that point. So analyzing everything in our heads and making up ''maybe" situations doesn't help, in the end it just drives us crazy. If we truly had faith in God if we truly believed Him we'd leave every situation up to Him with confidence right?

1John5:14-15
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

If we claim to truly have faith in God we'd let go of trying to control our own lives. They turn out so much better, than when we hold on. No matter what the outcome...It's God's will not ours. That doesn't mean we wont get anything we ask.... If God agrees and says ok this is my will, than believe that you already have what you asked of God or better. He knows the desires of our hearts and the better path for us. So we should have no problem in approaching God and LEAVING our situations up to God and really having confidence in Him <3

Desert Song

2009-03-31T19:44:00.000-07:00

isaiah 43: 19

2009-03-30T18:56:00.000-07:00

Unveiling the blind fold for H20 How long we've waited how long we've prayed. We Persevere strong Beautiful:) I love them with all my heart... We patiently await the desires of our hearts, which are being met times two! Lord I'm So Excited! We're waiting and PRAYING AHHH <3

I sit and think

2009-02-24T18:49:00.000-08:00

I sit and wait,
My heart saying things my lips wont say,
So I sit and wait
I continue to play,
I sit and wait my stomach feeling the pain
of something beautiful,
But it's something my lips just wont say,
My mind races as fast as my heart beat,
it paces through thoughts
I just wont entertain,
I sit and wait and continue to pray,
Wishing God save me from this confusing state.

It's been a while

2009-01-30T07:05:00.000-08:00

Wow it's been a while so I need to update Wednesday January 21 I was baptised. A dream of mine for a while. I never felt I was ready... It's funny that I felt that way but something pastor Durso said that day was the day you accept Christ is the day you are ready to get baptised. I accepted him why did I feel so unworthy? I make a lot of mistakes, A Lot but God wants you the way you are the only one who can truly change you is God...And it becomes truer and truer as each day passes by.... The peace that came over me the Happiness I was Over joyed. One of my happiest memories I will never forget it.

Thursday January 22 My cousins son Angel was born. He is so beautiful :) Thats all I have to say about that

-God Bless

2009

2009-01-06T14:00:00.000-08:00

I'm seriously contemplating on the next chapter in my life.. Wondering who will be in it who will leave and who will walk into it and completely change it. I see parts of my life as chapters basically because there are specific moments and things that distinctively divide them...It's a little bit weird but sometimes relationships define and close the chapters sometimes my growth as a person divide them and close them.

2009 This chapter of my life I want to be the beginning of a new story a story where everything I do and everyone I meet glorifies God. It's easy to live life and just keep going in the same pattern, the same circle repeating, the same unnecessary mistakes and heartache. In the end, instead of trying to write my own story, and trying to control situations I have no control over I'll leave them in Gods hands, and let him write them, the way it's meant to be.

"friendship"

2008-12-30T08:51:00.000-08:00

There always seems to be one better than me
Like we cant be friends unless my talents bring in spotlight to the table
Fake to think I could count on friends turns out
now I doubt most friends
Im never the life of the party they'd wish I'd be
that friendship support is never enough for them
so Im done caring done being there
and thinking that maybe I've done something wrong I dont care
this time no more "wrong" turns on what you think I should do what you think I should be no More
Sorry I couldn't be more "amazing" you see cause in the end
Im done because all I can offer is Me

Christmas Eve Covered in rain

2008-12-24T23:44:00.000-08:00

Christmas!! ^_^ Rd. Luke

2008-12-23T22:04:00.000-08:00

OMGush it's Christmas eve. The start of this month I really wasnt feeling that into the Christmas Spirit But God had a way of changing that quiet fast. I ended up helping back stage at My churches Christmas play one Sunday and than saw that same play about 5 times lol. To add on to that fifth time Im going to buy the DVD :D Yup Obsessed...just a little :)
I'm really trying to see Christmas for it's true meaning this year. The birth of a Savior..Imagine Someone WILLINGLY Dying for the sins of man. For many he didn't even know. He was born to us, for this purpose sent to the cross for us. I mean think about it especially if you don't believe.
Who would willingly die to save us from condemnation? Does it even make sense? How many of us would die for someone let alone A world especially a world of people who deny his very existence every day?I think a lot about this, it amaze's me. I wish that I could have been there at the time of Jesus's life seen him,and learn at his feet. Eat with him, ask him a million and one questions and receive an answer for every question. I imagine him to be the nicest man to ever live, the most understanding and unjudgmental the most excepting and loving. Thankyou God for loving me that you'd send your Son to Die for my sins, because I most defiantly am not perfect I make so many mistakes and you still love me.

this was written at like 1 in the morning btw

Faith

2008-12-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

My faith flows through my veins,
No matter what mistakes I've made
there is no doubt that can change the fact
that I was made by an ever loving,
ever forgiving,
ever faithful God,
It never matters how many times I've strayed and messed up,
It's at the cross my hearts made
it's resting place
No matter who tells me different
I see truth in The Way,
I see the Truth every day,
And I'd rather live this
than live the way of the world
where there is no peace
and I am condemned because
I look like this way and talk like that
I found my place
I found my grace
And it all flows through my ever faithful veins